I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
