3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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