I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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