I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your penis caused this!
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