wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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