Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
