he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I checked into jail on foursquare
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
