Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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