just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
