but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
