yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize