Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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