I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
