don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
