he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
