She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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