and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love you. Go after that dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
