At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Help. Why am I so naked?
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