You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
false alarm, still single
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
