There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
