WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
