You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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