Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
