Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
