I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She told me I should be a condom model.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
