Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
