Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
