fuck your aforementioned shoe
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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