Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
