This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
