I hate your face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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