How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
