It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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