pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
