i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
