.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
