Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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