I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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