i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
