Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
