too bad you live with your parents still
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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