They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
