the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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