dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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