are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
