OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
