Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
