well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
