bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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