I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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