If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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