is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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