thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
