if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
