Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
