This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
