Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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