ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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