Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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