eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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