Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
