We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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