Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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