im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
