I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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