Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just tell him i said nine months
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
