ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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