this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drunk is a universal language darling
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
