We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
