haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
