none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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