i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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