I want to have your abortion
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
