Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
