the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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